Got some time to kill? Why not stay for a while and stretch your laughter muscles on our gun humour page....
A man goes to a gun shop and asks for a gun and a scope. The owner hands it over and tells the man to test it by looking at the house on the hill, which is the owners house. "You should be able to see my wife" said the owner. The man replies "All I see is a man and woman running around the house naked!" The owner takes the gun, looks through the scope and swears. He hands the man two bullets. "With these two bullets, I want you to blow off the mans dick and my wife's head. If you do that for me you can have the gun for free" The man looks through the scope, hands one of the bullets back to the owner, and says "I think I can get them both with just one shot..."
A few months ago, there
was an opening with the
CIA for an assassin. These highly classified positions are hard to fill,
and there's a lot
of testing and background checks involved before you can even be
considered for the
position. After sending some applicants through the background checks,
training and
testing, they narrowed the possible choices down to two men and a woman,
but only one
position was available.
The day came for
the final test to see which
peson would get the extremely secretive job. The CIA men administering
the test took one
of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know
that you will
follow our instructions whatever the circumstances," they explained.
"Inside
this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun
and kill
her." The man looked horrified and said, "You can't be
serious! I could never shoot my wife!" "Well," said the
CIA man, "you're definitely not the right man for this job then."
So they brought
the second man to the same door
and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow instructions no
matter what
the circumstances," they explained to the second man. "Inside you will
find your wife sitting in a chair. Take this gun and kill her." The
second man looked a bit shocked, but nevertheless took the gun and went
in the room. All
was quiet for about 5 minutes; then the door opened. The man came out
of the room
with tears in his eyes. "I tried to shoot her; I just couldn't pull the
trigger
and shoot my wife. I guess I'm not the right man for the job."
"No," the CIA
man replied, "You
don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home."
Now they only
had the woman left to test.
They led her to the same door to the same room and handed her the same
gun.
"We must be sure that you will follow instructions no matter what the
circumstances;
this is your final test. Inside you will find your husband sitting in a
chair. Take
this gun and kill him." The woman took the gun and opened the door.
Before the door
even closed all the way, the CIA men heard the gun start firing, one
shot after another
for 13 shots. Then all hell broke loose in the room. They heard
screaming, rashing,
and banging on the walls. This went on for several minutes; then all
went
quiet.
The door opened
slowly, and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat
from her brow and said, "You guys didn't tell me the gun was loaded with
blanks. I had to beat the son of a bitch to death with the chair!"
Warning Blonde Joke!
A blonde who suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her goes out and buys
a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly, opens the door, and, sure
enough, finds him naked in the arms of a redhead. Well, now she’s angry.
She opens her purse and takes out the gun. But as she does so, she is
overcome with grief and points the gun at her own head.
The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don’t do it."
"Shut up," she says. "You’re next."
